Hipsteric

Being a hipster is a true commitment; a lifestyle. And certain rules do apply. Here are the 10 immutable laws the authentic, original hipster must follow with dedication and no exception:

#1. Graduate you will… just not right away. Longtime students, hipsters almost exclusively attend film and liberal art schools. However a new kind of Ivy League hipsters has lately emerged attending veterinarian or law school and leveraging the opportunity to study at least an extra 5 years. The hipster graduation age averages between 29 and 35. When getting a job (excluding coffee shops, Trader Joes and the Apple store), hipsters automatically lose their hipster status.

#2. Find the perfect hood you must. Locating a neighborhood to live in is no longer an easy task for hipsters. With the constant raise of rent due to the gentrification of all cool neighborhoods (which hipsters claim they have nothing do with), the cool kids are constantly on the go, looking for a new hood to settle. They are several factors involved in the selection process of a neighborhood: a long commute to school, proximity to at least one dive bar, a 24/7 liquor store that sells pbr and a couple of near-by housing projects or homeless shelters.

#3. Your roommates you will love. Hipsters live in packs; 3 being the ideal number of roommates to create the perfect hipster home. It is not uncommon for hipster roommates to stick together when time comes to go in search of a new habitat, even though that might require moving to Oregon. Naturally, due to the unpredictable gentrification of neighborhoods, hipsters rent their place on a month to month basis to facilitate their mobility. Home ownership automatically results in the loss of hipster status.

#4. Forever inked you will be. Even though things will never be the same since Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox covered their skin with Aztec thunderbirds and Marylin Monroe, forearm tattoos are still a mandatory lifetime commitment each hipster must make to show permanent devotion to its kind. At least one animal, political figure or bicycle-related tattoo is required. Stars are unconditionally a favorite among female hipsters and generally located around the wrists or ankles.

#5. Coffee beans you will brew. Hipsters must generally work 15-20 hours a week in order to pay for their iPhone plan and tattoos. Coffee shops are still strongly leading the hipster job market. But the recession hit the cool kids too and resulted in the search for new cool career opportunities. Quick adapters, hipsters have smartly spent the last few years leveraging two new trends: organic food and Apple products. In addition to being paid an awesome $9.75/hour they also get a 10% discount on overpriced groceries and laptops.

#6. Indie only you must be. Whether it’s playing in a band, DJing on Tuesday nights (Saturdays are too amateur) or working at a record shop, each hipster must somehow be involved in a musical activity. Indie rock is the only acceptable form of music even though other genres such as old school hip hop and MJ (since 6/25/09) might occasionally make it for a few days to a hipster’s iPod playlist

#7. On two wheels you must ride. Purchased for $50 on Craigslist or from a friend who recently moved to Austin, bikes are hipsters’ favorite form of transportation. When forced to moved to more rural areas (such as Portland), it is not uncommon for hipsters to acquire a faster type of conveyance such as a Vespa. While taxis are unconditionally banned, public transportation and zip cars are occasionally tolerated.

#8. Your pet you will love. Hipsters have a strong affection for the animal kind and love even more to display it. Traditional forms of animal parade include owl tattoos, wolf shirts and frequent social media profile photo updates. But the natural step for every hipster is the adoption of a hipster pet. Preferably a black cat or disabled dog, it is always named after some heavy metal band or another non hipster culture reference – an indirect way for hipsters to connect with the world of the masses without being uncool.

#9. Be it but don’t say it. Because it is not cool to say you’re cool, hipsters never refer to themselves as hipsters. To maintain their status under wraps, it is not uncommon for them to randomly make fun of their peers. When uncovered and called the unforgivable H word, they nonchalantly laugh and immediately start talking about how Coldpay’s last album was not so bad.

#10. In skinny jeans you will live. Fashion secretly rules the hipster world. Denying their addiction to Nylon magazine, hipsters are naturally, stylishly gifted and can turn any grandma plaid shirt and catholic schoolgirl blazer into UO’s next collection. While it is not easy to keep track of the constantly changing rule of their dress code, one rule always apply: skinny jeans only.

This entry was posted by J. on Friday, October 2nd, 2009 at 8:06 pm. It is filed under Read. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.