The MacHipster
Photo by Marisa Page
For a long time the victim of persecution and abuse from the merciless hipster world, a group of former high school science contest winners with a surprising sense of fashion united to show that geeks too have the right to be cool. Spreading faster than the ILOVEYOU virus, MacHipsters officially claimed their existence in the early 2000’s, openly admitting their dual addiction to skinny jeans and any form of new, overpriced technology – especially if it has an Apple on it.
Machipsters usually travel in packs of 3 or 4, but have an extended social media network of virtual Facebook friends. In order to avoid and clearly set themselves apart from the uncool Starbucks PC crowd they like to frequent an independent coffee shop where they can distantly befriend some of the traditional hipsters. Because of the unstoppable proliferation of MacBooks among the masses, MacHipsters were forced to quickly develop their own language in order to distinguish a member of their breed from the average Apple noob. Indeed, technology-oriented conversations are one of the MacHipsters’ favorite pastimes; the ideal setting for such cerebral confabulations being around a pool table at a dive bar that serves PBR. But while they enjoy the company of their peers, MacHipsters do need a high amount of isolation time to perform vital activities such as reading news.ycombinator.com and downloading movies to their RAID5 NAS (whatever that is).
MacHipsters openly despise any form of shopping unless it can be performed via paypal. However, when the time comes to go search for their yearly supply of discounted, slightly undersized, plaid shirts, they sometimes visit outlets such as Nordstrom Rack. While they are not (or at least claim to be) interested in fashion, MacHipsters do respect a certain dress code that definitely, but not too explicitly, reveals their ties to the hipster world. Ben Sherman polos, a pair of Converse and fitted t-shirts with some incomprehensible science-related quote are the main components of their wardrobe. However, they sometimes criminally violate hipster rule #10 and can be spotted wearing boot cut jeans or a pair of non-vintage running shoes.
Ambitious entrepreneurs, MacHipsters excel in various sectors such as Web design, systems administration (also known to the masses as hooking up a bunch of computers together) and more lately clean tech. Sometimes working 15 hours a day, sometimes only 2 hours a week out of a coffee shop, the MacHipsters’ daily schedule presents an inexplicable flexibility and strong similarities to the one of the traditional hipster, but somehow always mysteriously results in a six-figure salary. Financial success is indeed mandatory for their general sense of self-accomplishment and necessary to satisfy their costly needs. Sometimes cautious about their spending, they can immoderately splurge on a rare fixed-gear bike frame or the latest Canon 1D, but strangely enter a phase of endless complaints when having to pay for archaic products such as cable tv.
Due to the fact that 99.9% of MacHipsters are male, it is naturally and inevitably that they pair up with a female hipster from another breed. With a limited ability to communicate with the ignorant outside world, they also like to surround themselves with the company of a hipster pet, with whom they often develop a unique bond enabling them to express basic human feelings.
After many endless years of banishment, it is safe to assume that MacHipsters no longer need to hide their sci-fi books to fit in the cool world. Furtively in hope of achieving their Google dream, the fast-developing breed proved once and for all that hipsters and computer club geeks can live happily ever after in an Apple-shaped world.
